I am a pretty happy person.
For the past 24 years, 1 month and 17 days to be exact. Until yesterday.
For a naturally jolly person, a simple and shallow sad thing is really depressing. Yes. If we are to test two people, say A being a jolly person and B being a person who’s experienced a lot. I think.. A would feel a lot depressed than B, or even worse…B would just shrug it off while A would cry like hell.
A person is none other than me.
Why am I actually writing this?
Hmm.. I know that this moment of ultimate bleakness will somehow be over. I don’t know when but surely it will reach an end. I just do hope and pray that the end I am referring to does not refer to me being numb of all these.. that I’ll just be shrugging it off. Well, we’ll see, how can I answer that anyway.
Why am I really depressed? I don’t know. On a lot of things, I think. What happened last night could probably worsened or aggravated it. I can say that THAT isn’t just IT.
I just figured that growing in a small and normal family has it’s disadvantages. The world has it’s negative sides that parents tend to cover-up or as much as possible make children believe on the ideals alone. At least to my family, that’s how it is. Everything is ideal. Everything seems to work smoothly. Everything is a choice of either black or white. Everything is so simple. But in reality, life itself is way too complex that no single word could really define it. Iam a late bloomer. I’ve been to clothed, contented, sheltered and satisfied with my life. Before all these. School taught pure theories but nothing about life, really. Everything you’ll learn is based on experiences. And I have just entered the real world. I am experiencing life.
I know one day I’ll just be laughing at all these.. The so-called factors that somehow made me dispirited at one point. That one day can be tomorrow, next year, 10 years from now or when I am way too senior to even remember it. Whatever, whenever…that day will come.
As of the moment, I thank God for my family who’s been ever supportive of my decisions and I know they will continue to be like that.. Also, for giving me wonderful friends. May I just quote that friends are way different from acquaintances. Acquaintances come and go. There are times that you may have considered an acquaintance as a friend but when you need them badly, they’ll just go. Maybe I am asking too much from them.. Everyone has their own reasons. I don’t blame them. While friends, you need not tell them a thing.. They just know.. They would be happy and willing to sit beside you…without uttering a word. And I miss that…
One friend advised that I should think of happy thoughts and blessings that I have. I am trying.. Happiness permeating a room of sadness through a miniscule and nearly negligible hole could take up time. I am patient though. And positive. 
Life cannot always be all good or all bad. That’ll be boring. For now, I am to do something I like. Read Harry Potter. Uhh, that made me think..does anyone know where can I buy a pensieve? I have to get one to keep off bad memories and leave good ones. (For non-Harry Potter fans, a Pensieve is a stone receptacle used to store and review memories. In layman’s terms, it’s an external Hard Drive for the brain. Hahha)
That’ll be it for now. I have to keep my mind off on negative things. I have to smile and deal with a pair of swollen walnuts without looking at the mirror.
Still loving life.
xoxo. D.
